Comments on this essay?





Hello! Can you tell me what you think of this essay capturing a little bit of what it takes to be a rider? (Excuse the grammar my editor hasn't edited it yet.)When you think of the word "horse", what do you think of? Do you think of a huge, well-built, 4-legged beast with an attitude? Some may even think of horseback riding. An easy sport where you sit there and let the horse do all the work, correct? Incorrect. Actually, horseback riding and horses in general demand a lot of physical and mental strength. When your partner is something that outweighs you by about half a ton, it gets dangerous. Horses aren’t machines, and when they get mad, you end up hurt. Without physical strength, you can’t stop a speeding quarter horse topping 50 miles an hour. With horses comes poop. With poop comes mucking. You spend 3 hours or so a day mucking 40 or 45 stalls you’re going to have some very strong, toned biceps. When your horse starts bucking, you have to be able to physically pull his head up, and make him stop. It’s not that simple.Emotionally, horses can bring you into the worst time of your life, but also give you the best moment you’ve ever experienced. When your only company is a horse, this beast that could kill you in an instant, it gets serious. However, it’s also amazing that sometimes this animal is what keeps you from killing yourself. My horse saved my life, because with her, I had a reason to live. I had a life that I was responsible for. It was like she knew what was wrong. She would spend time away from her heard, to comfort me. Why? Who knows? Why this animal would try and make me feel better, I’m not sure. But when you feel a soft muzzle wipe away your tears, nothing could ever be that bad. Horses don’t judge. They don’t care what you look like, or how smart you are. They don’t care if you have braces or glasses, and they don’t care if you’re popular or a nerd. That’s the beauty of horses. They don’t lie.Saying this, I’m not even including riding. Riding takes on a whole new level of ability. From the ground, it may seem like the riders just sitting there, letting the horse do all the work. However, those lead changes, that faster pace, those sliding stops and 5-foot fence clearings don’t happen on their own. You are doing that. You can’t talk to your teammate either. You must communicate without words. It’s almost like a silent dance, a secret that only you and your horse can understand.When you hear the word horse, maybe instead of thinking that it’s "just an animal", realize that "just an animal" might have just saved your brother, sister or even your own child’s life. Realize the hours spent on "just an animal". If you still don’t understand, that’s ok. Because you just don’t get it. When you tell me that my dreams can’t be reached with "just an animal", I’ll smile. Because in the horse world, it’s not dreams that keep you going, it’s "just an animal". It’s the horse. So now you want to tell me about your sorry excuse for a sport?





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11 Responses to “Comments on this essay?”

  1. lammock says:

    Amazing <3

  2. caulerpaceous says:

    I like it despite the fact that it doesn’t follow the criteria I’ve learned comes with an essay- My teacher never lets me put questions in essays, or say “I”, “myself”, “me”, etc. This is just what I’ve learned- maybe different teachers have different opinions but both my English and Social Studies teachers told me never to refer to myself or put a question in an essay.I like the idea and the way you put things, but you do need to go over whether or not this is appropriate as an essay. A little bit of fine tuning and re-wording will fix the 2 problems there are.

  3. disannex says:

    Don’t use 1st or 2nd person unless you were specifically told you could. If not, change ‘you’ to one.

  4. voyages says:

    I am a horse enthusiast and owner. What bothers me about this essay is the negative connotations…e.g., the word ‘attitude,’ the reference about horses getting mad and you end up hurt, the horse bucking, the notion that horses can bring you the worst day of your life, that the ‘beast’ could kill you in an instant, etc. There are better ways of expressing what you’re trying to say…more positive ways. If a parent read this (and, let’s say their daughter was asking for a horse), the parent would most likely say “no way!”Horses don’t get ‘mad,’ they react on a variety of levels (herd instinct, jealousy, danger, etc.). Most trained horses don’t buck, and if they do, they usually have a pretty good reason (saddle doesn’t fit, a burr under the blanket, fright, etc.). Understanding horse psychology is part of horse handling. Yes, they can kill you, but so can other sports. My horse has a great personality and a ‘can do’ attitude, but that word has taken on a negative meaning in the last few years. Best not to use it. First of all, if you get hurt, 9 times out of 10 it’s your own fault because you don’t know how to ride or how to handle a tricky situation. Horses are prey animals and they are biologically programmed to run and/or react when they sense danger; this makes them a potential threat to your safety. A long time ago, when I bought my beautiful Morgan mare, I was 50 years old. I realized right then and there that, in buying her, I was also recognizing the very real possibility that I would, sooner or later, be injured (and I’ve had a few injuries, but nothing serious). To work around horses means understanding and accepting the fact that you will get hurt from time to time (just like skateboarding, skiing, or scuba diving!)So here’s my critique: Reword the beginning of your essay using a more positive slant (positive words, not ‘hot’ words like ‘mad’ and ‘attitude’, etc.) Then change the last sentence of your essay. It has nothing whatsoever to do with your subject. Your essay should be 5 paragraphs, but I only counted 4. Paragraphs 2-4 should prove your opening statement and the last paragraph should summarize your position on the subject. Horses aren’t for everyone…only those who are willing to spend the time and money to learn everything they can about horse handling, care, behavior, and safety. Horses require more than the average sport. They are living, sentient beings that require human interaction. That means the owner must spend a LOT of time with them. There is lots of responsibility, too. It’s not like skiing where you can just pack away your gear for the summer. It’s a lifestyle, one that really and truly consumes the owner. But if you love horses, then there is no sacrifice too big to make for them. Good luck, you are better than half way finished. Otherwise, the rest looks pretty good.

  5. aerocolpos says:

    I think it’s very good. Wondering what grade you’re in. If I were editing, I’d recommend a few subtle changes, but you poignantly convey the human/horse relationship as you experience it. The last sentence really detracts from the rest of the essay, and I’d leave that off, if I were you.(as for editing, if this were for a college under- or grad-school level, there are many, many changes that would need to be made, but I’m assuming this is not the case, and think it’s appropriate, really pretty good for what I’m guessing is your level of schooling)

  6. motorizes says:

    <3

  7. outplods says:

    Couldn’t have said it better myself. Send it to be published in one of those horse magazines. People should read it.

  8. probowling says:

    Wow. This is really good. Gives me chills how accurate and well expressed this is. I love it :) Is this for a class? I’m sure you’ll get an A if it is ;)

  9. awaketh says:

    Very in-depth essay, you are right it does need editing and you really could use becoming best friends with a thesaurus. Keep up the good work!

  10. by-line says:

    It insults all other sports at the end. Not good.Overall, it covers a lot of why we like horses, and might be worthwhile for a non-horsey person to read. You must test it on a few people who really do not care one way or the other about horses.Your editor must work on it, because the paragraphs are run together. Each of your current paragraphs really has two or three topic sentences.The first three sentences all contain the word think. “Think of” is used twice. There are other words you could choose.I thought about doing some editing for you, but you’re not set up to receive e-mail from me via Yahoo Answers.

  11. waldial says:

    Good. Work on it some more.